It is very important that I be very sensitive here because no one deserves to be the victim and in too many cases when bullying is involved, the victims become the worst type of victims, those who have died.
Yes, it is despicable what a victim, on any level, has to endure and my heart goes out to each and every one of them…and…every victim I have ever met is dealing with some type of self-esteem issue, some type of self-confidence issue that typically brews even before they are bullied. In all of my years of speaking and life coaching, I have yet to meet a victim who is not dealing with a self-esteem deficiency that certainly has grown worse through having to endure bullying. So what does this mean? I believe it means that they are basically target practice for bullies.
Now I am going to ruffle a few feathers here because people are just going to react to what I am about to say, rather than digest it first. Please take your time and swallow this first before reacting abruptly. While I don’t believe that victims are “asking for it,” when it comes to being bullied, consciously, I do believe that on the subconscious level, I am quite sure they are going down this path as the victim for a reason to help them grow and mature in their lives.
Now that I may have lost you, let me explain in greater detail. As human beings, we innately want to grow and evolve. We are not consciously thinking about this every moment of the day, but it is almost a plan that our subconscious has put into motion from the day we are born. Our deepest need is our need for connection and our greatest fear is our fear of rejection. When we can’t find that connection within ourselves, we look to others to give us that connection, i.e. being a victim. When we can’t find that connection, we can do some terrible things to ourselves and others, i.e. bullying. Yes, even being bullied is a way of getting connection believe it or not. Again, no one is consciously thinking, “I need connection so let me be bullied,” but our subconscious has other plans for us sometimes to help us evolve and mature.
As warped as it may sound, being bullied does give us connection. Being bullied to the point where we say, “enough is enough,” can be a step towards personal empowerment. When we experience enough pain in our lives, we will make a change. Even victims of bullying have their thresholds for pain. We all have that “breaking” point which I always pray does not lead to some type of tragedy.I have seen victims of bullying emerge from the wreckage of bullying, stronger than ever before.
When we hit our threshold for pain, we become creative beings, finding possible solutions to our challenges and ways out of our distress. Yes, it can take some time and yes, it is not easy. But it can be done and if there is a strong support system around a child, in the form of parents, a family, friends, teachers, etc., anything is possible. So while we need to embrace and comfort all victims of bullying, we also need to help empower them and help them arrive at a place where “enough is enough.”
Next: The Witness
Scott Chesney is a motivational speaker and life coach, Verona resident, husband, and parent of two children. You can reach him at [email protected]. Read all five parts of his special column on bullying here.